Bloggin

Peace out cubscouts.

2005-12-08T12:55:00.000-05:00

I was surprised at how easy it was to open up about certain things, and to share experiences I've had. As much a I like to tell stories, there are many things I am selfish about- my memories, my friends- I like to stay private.

Even knowing that people, my classmates, were going to read this, I found it easier to express myself, but just as easy to limit what I wanted to share. Both aspects have taught me that in order to write well, a person must truly understand who they are. My worst entries were those that I couldn't express- things I either held back, or were confused about myself. Having a clear head and strong beliefs helped me to create better blog entries.

I guess that's it. I like to think there's magic in every piece of writing. Maybe even in a blog post or two.

Peace.

Some people should be shot in the balls.

2005-11-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

So this evening I was chatting with my younger brother.

Most of our conversation consisted of discussing how President Bush sucks huge monkey balls.

So, in my away message, I stated the obvious. "President Bush sucks huge monkey balls. Yep. And he LIKES it. For serious, yep"

And this boy, who I was friends with in high school, haven't talked to in about a year and a half, and attends Annapolis decides to IM me and preach all high and mighty like he knows everything, and wants to display how ignorant I am.

622: It's funny your quote, not mad of course cause you've got your head up your ass. You see, you and most of your liberal college profs/buddies, don't see reality and what it is. The sad thing is you don't take the time to see the other side and what its worth. You see, you've never seen the President, never met him, and do not know what he is like. For that matter you don't realize the sacrifice that he as well as all of us who follow our commander in chief make. You may feel like you can insult our commander in chief, which of course you have the right to do, but don't forget that by insulting him in that derogatory way, you're making a dumbass of yourself.

622: Right now people are fighting, and dying to protect you and your family, and your friends. I think the President put the Iraq war this way today after i met him, if it wasn't there, it'd be here. Don't think you'd want another Sept 11 now would you? That would sort of be treasonous. If President Bush is preventing another terrorist attack, which next time by the way will most likely be Nuclear, i'd say he's doing quite the job when the terrorists do want to kill you, your family, and your friends. Oh by the way, if it was nuclear, lets say in Boston, that'd mean no more boston ever, including my beloved Sox.

622: So in reality, our President is supporting the troops over in Iraq who are putting their lives on the line to, "stay the course" who are bent on the destruction of our great nation. Now obviously this probably meant nothing to you, you've rolled your eyes, laughed, and called me an idiot in the military. I don't expect you'd get it. Only after another Sept 11 will you all get it again. By that point though, it will be far too late. Oh by the way i sincerely doubt our President blows "huge monkey balls." And i think our President is more focused on keeping us safe then performing oral on a primate. Thanks though amber, you have a nice night. Think of our boys in Iraq preventing you and your family from dying, sure you'll sleep better. Oh and last thing, if you think that pisses me off, it doesn't, i have to laugh because someday you'll see how wrong you really are.

Some people should be shot in the balls as to prevent the procreation of more morons. There is SO much to respond to, but I think he's a lost cause.

Random.

2005-11-21T23:46:00.000-05:00

So I was going through my random writings from a while ago. And, since I am too worn out to come up with anything more original to post (especially after a rediculous few weeks) here it is.

Cold hands shaking, lifting wild anticipation of smiles and hearts.
Together seperatley in one world beyond reason, within hope.
Momentarily realizing self actuality, fogging quickly with false promises.
Grasping, groping- holding onto breezes between fingers, smiling, living life.

Yep. So much for blog of the week.

Later dudes.

Only in Keene.

2005-11-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

Only in Keene can a house party be crashed by 50 year old townies.

Only in Keene can cops be more concerned about underage drinking than a drive by shooting.

Only in Keene can you NOT find a road where a car goes over 25mph.

Only in Keene can you walk by a bar and have the bouncer yell to you, tell you to stop, and come into the bar. Because it "doesn't matter if you're under age, it looks like you can start a party."

Only in Keene can you party at the bar with your cheerleading coach...

Only in Keene can you walk down the streets at 2:30am screaming the lyrics to 'skinnamarinky dinky dink' and have drunk townies parade behind you, singing along.

Only in Keene can you walk into a rediculous party, and see some chick sitting alone on the couch leafing through a playboy.

Only in Keene can you hear someone say they did coke because "well, there was nothing else to do."

Only in Keene can it start to sprinkle, and make everybody run to move their cars. "Just in case".

Oh Keene.

Feel free to add more. I'm sure there's plenty of things that happen nowhere else but Keene, NH, USA.

Later.

Me. I guess.

2005-11-06T17:10:00.000-05:00

I don't trust people, I don't take compliments, I don't admit when I need help, I don't eat my veggies, I don't study enough, I don't bullshit and I don't take it, I don't take much at face value, I don't believe ANYTHING you say, I want to believe it. I want to be that girl. Just a girl for once. Just some girl, that someone cares for, and that I can just handle that. Because I can't handle it, I think too much, and I don't trust. I want to know the future. I want to be content not being able to know everything. I want to be everything to everyone and make everything better and everyone happy. I eat too much, I don't write as well as I want and can't get all of my thoughts and feelings out on to paper the way I want to. I always want to be the best, even though I know I never will be. I always have too much to say or feel or think about.

I secretly envy girls with no conscience. I party too much, even though it's not all that much. I get jealous very easily and often times for no reason. I crave attention, and secretly love drama. I put on a big front most of the time. I'm very insecure. I never feel smart enough or thin enough. I love food, and all the wrong ones. Sometimes I cry for no reason, and I love to use PMS as the excuse, but would punch anyone who ever blamed my actions on PMS. I try to remember absolutley everything, and take way too many pictures. I'm scared of being forgotten. I don't really think I want to be a teacher anymore, but I will anyway.

I like to run away from my problems, and ignore them. Sometimes, when I need to be alone, is when I really need someone there. I am always cold, and always looking for the next best thing. All I ever want to do is party and hang out with my friends and cuddle with boys who give me compliments that I don't take. I wish I didn't need so much structure. Right now there are a lot of people I want to talk to. I think there is a lot wrong with me, and as well as I think I know myself, I don't think I really know anything.

I don't want to leave this place.

Let's make this last forever.

2005-11-01T09:11:00.000-05:00

So basically this weekend was amazing.

I've decided I'm more upset about this years' graduation than next year- when I graduate.

I don't want my boys to leave. I really don't know what I'm going to do next year without them. I've had the most fun I've ever had these past few years, and I don't want it to end.

So if anyone could make it last forever, that'd be great. Thanks.

Later.

Flippin mid-semester

2005-10-17T19:43:00.000-04:00

I effing hate mid semester.

Seriously, I find myself half-assing every assignment because there is no possible way to complete the rediculous amount of work I have, and do all of it well.

Why do professors do this? "Ooops, the semester's almost over, better hurry up and throw everything I have at those students"

Not to mention some preofessors completley forget that THEIRS isn't the ONLY class that I have to take. I am enrolled in a few other courses, and I DO have other work to do besides what on particular professor assigns.

In fact, I don't even have time to continue my rant here because I have about 1209347821 things (give or take a few) due this week, and next. Yes, I'm bitter. And yes, I know this is not "blog of the week" material. Better luck next time I 'spose.

Later.

Rain, Rain, go away... and stop flooding.

2005-10-10T17:14:00.000-04:00

Dear Rain Gods,

Next time you flood the streets and submerge cars, would you consider supplying floaties as an alternate form of transportation? Thanks.

Sincerely,
Me.

What a flippin' weekend of drama.

2005-10-03T12:45:00.000-04:00

This weekend was retarded. All of it. Yep.

It's hard to explain without using names, but let's just explain this

There's a group of guys my roommate and I always hang out with. Six of them live in a house together, one of the six is my boyfriend. Then there's three other boys who basically live there, but actually live on campus together. There's been sorta a split between the on and off campus boys latley, because one of the off campus boys was seeing a mutual friend of all of ours, and recently stopped dating. Okay, now.

Friday was going great- double kegger at the boy's, as per usual. But it was kinda sketch from the beginning cause there was this one group of kids who was sorta sketchy, and no one knew them.

Well, one kid with this STUPID mohawk started smoking, so one of our boys (we'll call him J)told him if he wanted to smoke, he needed to go outside. The kid didn't like it much, so his friend throws J to the ground and starts punching him. The other guys obviously jump in, and everyone's gettin the crap beat out of em. The cops show up, break up the party, and the guys leave. So basically it's just the crew and we're having a great time until mohawk comes back. With a pool stick.

He's flipping out saying he wants to kill our boys and whatnot. So my roommate and another one of my friends jump in front of him. One of the boys calls the cops, they pull up (at the same time as domino's, might I add) and they taser the kid, then arrest him.

Yep. Pretty sweet.

Saturday wasn't much better. We basically started drinking around 3. R was sorta hanging out with this chick E all night (who is this little blonde freshman chick who has no idea about anything. and well, basically annoys the crap outta me). So, when we were leaving the house to head to another house party and K showed up (one of our friends he used to "see" or whatever)- it was bad news. I tried to get her to just come with us and not go try to find R, as well.. he was in his room with E. She didn't listen, so I was like eff this- and My boyfriend, my roommate, me, and some other boy all went to Elliot. It was lame, but I got to see a bunch of people I knew so that was fun for about 20min.

We get back to the house, go upstairs... and infront of R's door is a TON of shit. Chairs, trash, and a bunch of other random stuff. Apparently, K and S (one of the crew) had put it there, tried to unlock R's door, kept banging on it- basically acting like 12 year olds.

I go downstairs, call K twice, and get no answer. Then S, one of the on campus boys, called me. and I was like "S, just let me ask you one question. How fucking old are we." and he goes "I'm gunna be 22 why?" and I was like "well how about we start acting our goddamned age and not trash someone's living room" and he started laughing, so I was like "I'm glad it's funny S, maybe next time we'll trash your living room and see where it gets us, seriously" and he goes "wow amber, take your own goddamned advice and talk to me when you're sober" I was flippin PISSED cause of friday and last night, and PLUS I WAS sober.

So I go upstairs and find my boyfriend SCREAMING into the phone, apparently at one of the boys (but he thought it was S) and two seconds later S flies through the door and is like "Fine Amber I'll fucking pick it up so you can stop your bitching"

At that point I went right down stairs and was a total wreck. But, turns out the boyfriend brought up how S is with me, and how he's always in my face and basically all over me, and S says "its not my fault your girl comes to me." like I flirt with him or something. S ended up pushing one of the other on campus boys over the coffee table, and trying to throw punches at my boyfriend.

I was downstairs crying, and this fucking E girl comes in when two of my girls are talking to me, and she tries to be my best friend. Rubbing my back and being like, "oh it's okay Amber" and THEN she goes "I know I'm not part of your group yet, but.." YET? Girl, get over it. You're being used and you will NEVER be a part of our 'group' so all I could do was turn my head to my roommate and try not to laugh. E thought I was just crying still and hugs me. Oh man, that was the high point of the night. Lame.

SO. Next morning, we wake up, one of the guys comes home and is filled in about everything (he was at some chicks house the night before) and My boyfriend is talking to him. I couldn't hear what was going on, so I just got ready to head out when he says, "hang on I've gotta talk to you."

He pulls me into his room and goes "I need to tell you something before you hear it from K..." (awesome way to start a conversation)

"Apparently, at the bar last night, (this girl's friend), was saying how (this girl) is telling everyone that me and her make out all the time."

Now, this girl is a fucking crazy chick. She's been obsessed with my boyfriend forever, and now she's starting more rumors. I KNOW it's all bullshit, because the boy and I have been together non-stop basically, plus she's ugly. And, I know she's already crazy. That might be bitchy, but it's the truth. The girl has nothing better to do with her time, and I guess it's kinda sad. I can't wait to see her on campus and just tell her to her face to stop being so pathetic. I'm not one to cause a scene about stupid shit, but this one is just ASKING for it.

Holy crap I am so tried from writing that out it's rediculous.

Later.

TOGA TOGA TOGA

2005-09-24T15:10:00.000-04:00

So I spent most of my week last week creating a toga for Friday night's party. My boys always throw on Friday's, but they decided a theme was in order for this week, and seirously- what's better than togas?

Now I don't think people really understand. I guess it's a girl thing, but my roommate and I literally created togas that were fit for a prom. We got way into it, some would say a little more than necessary, but those are the people that don't get it.

But Friday, not only did we have to put ourselves together, but we had to dress all 6 boys too. Plus I had to figure out togas for two of the girls, who were just totally lost.

I figure, if the English degree doesn't work out, I could always be a professional toga maker. Or something.

The party was a blast, as always. But basically no one showed up 'cause it was said that you MUST wear a toga to get in. I wish more people came, cause honestly- who turns down a toga party? But, there were about 15 of us and we always entertain ourselves pretty well.

Plus, there's an entire Keg left over. Gonna be a good rest of the weekend.

Later.

Modern Technology

2005-09-19T15:05:00.000-04:00

Dear old people with cell phones,

Do not use them. First of all, it's MODERN TECHNOLOGY. There is no need to scream incessantly into the reciever. Mostly because I don't want to hear this "great story" about what your cat did today. But unless the person on the other end is just as old as you are, I'm pretty sure they don't need their eardrums blown out by the chalk board screeching that is your voice.

Second, YES, that ringing you hear? It IS the device in your purse. Why it takes you 10 min to figure out it is YOUR phone that is ringing (by which time you have probably stared at it for a good 3 minutes trying to figure out who is calling you) the person on the other end has hung up, and yet you proceed to answer it and scream "HELLO?!" repeatedly into the receiver.

In closing, I ask that you leave the modern technology to the young whipper snappers, and stick to your rotary phones in the privacy of your own home, where your cat is the only one who suffers.

Sincerely,
Me.

My Proposal. Awesome.

2005-09-13T13:10:00.000-04:00

Exercise. Everyone needs it and should participate in it, because it’s healthy. Right? But there’s always a belief that a person can have “too much of a good thing”.

Often this saying is associated with chocolate, or junk food, or drinking, or other more obvious choices that could harm our bodies. However, what many don’t realize is that even something that is considered healthy can turn into a vice, and evolve into an addiction.

How much exercise is too much? How do you know when someone is addicted, and who is at risk? When does exercise qualify as an addiction, and why? Putting too much strain on our bodies is an obvious answer. But in conjunction with other outside sources, exercise can prove to be deadly.

In many cases exercise is associated with stress, with the influence of media, and even shown in conjunction with anorexia. In people our age, body image is still a relevant topic, and it is easy to take advantage of the facilities placed in the middle of our campus- the treadmill, the weights, the elliptical and aerobics classes- they’re there to help us maintain a healthy body, but when does exercise start to become used as a drug?

Every day a person can walk into Spaulding gym and see a young woman who in our minds doesn’t need to exercise at all. She’s probably about 120lbs at most, and running as if Michael Myers is chasing after her. What is going on in her mind that makes her believe she needs to be at the gym 7 days a week? Men are at a high risk as well. Lifting everyday is an obvious answer on how to get six pack abs, or bulging biceps. But why do people feel the need to look a certain way? Psychological standpoints on exercise addiction need to be addressed. It is more than a simple issue of trying to stay healthy.

Fully understanding a problem is the first step to finding a solution. However, exercise addiction has not made its way to the forefront of society’s problems with drug and alcohol addiction. Until it is viewed as a true disorder by addicts as well as doctors, a solution may never be found.

Oh drama.

2005-09-10T15:46:00.000-04:00

So I'm in this class. A seminar on Tolstoy, who's this totally lame Russian author. Well, I thought he was totally lame, mostly because I was told I had to read 300 of his pages in about two days. So here I am, dragging my eyes across this page, trying to comprehend ANYTHING (which, in a text that is translated from Russian to English, is not the easiest thing to do) when I came across this paragraph:

"Because it can never be true, what sort of revelation is that, that a man is in love? A man seems to think that whenever he says the word 'love', something magical will go- pop!- that some miracle will be worked, signs and wonders, with all the big guns firing at once! In my opinion' he went on, 'whoever solemnly brings out the words "I love you" is either deceiving himself, or which is even worse, decieving others"

Tolstoy turned out to be a pretty smart guy. As human beings, people with feelings, thoughts, emotions- we are always looking for the next item, or occurrence, or person that will bring us some sort of fulfillment. Often times we mistake these things with a feeling of need, or even love, when in truth they are just fleeting moments of happiness there to hold us over until the next time something tempting passes by.

I guess that's kind of emo. But that day it totally hit me, and things made sense for a few hours.

Wow, I just started to realize how depressing I sound in this thing. I'm really not a depressed person, for serious. I have a blast with life- I'm not even sure I'm allowed to have as much fun as I do, but for whatever reason, drama hunts me down. And I flippin hate drama.

Maybe someday I'll fill the world in on the soap opera that is my life.

But probably not.

Another sweet blog post.

Later

PS. The Patriots make my life. So do the Red Sox, especially when they beat the Yankees.

My top three choices are...

2005-09-06T12:52:00.000-04:00

http://www.cheekyprof.com/

I love when people have just a blunt sense of humor. Stating the obvious cracks me up. Plus, I loved the Schoolhouse Rock theme.

http://complimenter.blogspot.com/

Probably the greatest thing ever. There's so much shitty stuff on the net, it was fun to see someone who dedicates their blog to making other people's day.

http://1000words.net/

I loved the photographs. And basically, I'm obsessed with pictures. Granted, most of mine are pictures of me and my friends in drunken stupors- but this guys' pictures are way prettier.

Excuse the language.

2005-09-03T16:52:00.000-04:00

I don't ask much of people

Mostly I ask not to be bullshitted. Tell me straight up, to my face, the truth. I don't care what it is. I don't care if you tell me you hate my outfit, or I need to shower, or even that I'm a bitch. I don't care, just don't bullshit me.

It's basically all I asked from the beginning. Some people just don't listen. Pretty sweet.

I guess I got myself into the mess, but now I finally know enough to get myself out of it.

And seriously, it was such a good night, until I found out how some people really spent it.

What a waste of time

Later.

So about this "class" thing...

2005-09-01T14:51:00.000-04:00

So let's pretend it's the end of May... last May. Everyone's pumped for summer, ready to be done with classes, get the hell outta Keene, and head home.

Fastforward two weeks- and if you're like me, I'm ready to be back at school. So, you suffer through the entire summer- working summer jobs, hoping to get a chance to go to the beach (which, in my life doesn't happen too often), spending way too much money, and thinking about how much fun it will be to get back to school.

However, what DOESN'T cross my mind, is that I have five classes to deal with- three English classes, a science, and a psych. For serious now. This is totally not what i came back to school for. I came back to party, to hang out with friends, and cause a ruckus or two. Who said anything about education? They totally cramp my style, mostly because I am a massive nerd and actually do my work. Most of the time.

Well okay, all of the time. I blame it on my private school education- and actually, college is way easier than anything I ever did in high school. So instead of blowing off my work, I have this insaciable need to actually finish my work, and do it well. So I spend my entire week not only doing what's due next in each class, but actually GETTING AHEAD and doing work for the early part of the next week. Wow, I am pretty much a huge tool.

Well, all I know is, that my weekends mean a lot more to me now that I'm back at Keene than ever, so I guess that's why I get ahead. So I can do absolutley NOTHING for a whole three days. Or that's my excuse anyway.

And I want to give props to the person who decided to give us a long weekend the first weekend back- so, HUGE shoutout to that guy.

Yeah. Sweet blog post.

Later.

Hey Hey.

2005-09-01T12:26:00.000-04:00

Holler back online world.

I haven't fully decided on what exactly I'm going to write in here- an update on my mundane life, my crazy drunken weekend episodes, random thoughts. Some posts may be interesting, but I wouldn't hold your breath. I mean, hey kids, don't get too dissapointed, I'll do what I can to seem somewhat entertaining... but I wouldn't expect much.