Sunday, November 06, 2005

Me. I guess.



I don't trust people, I don't take compliments, I don't admit when I need help, I don't eat my veggies, I don't study enough, I don't bullshit and I don't take it, I don't take much at face value, I don't believe ANYTHING you say, I want to believe it. I want to be that girl. Just a girl for once. Just some girl, that someone cares for, and that I can just handle that. Because I can't handle it, I think too much, and I don't trust. I want to know the future. I want to be content not being able to know everything. I want to be everything to everyone and make everything better and everyone happy. I eat too much, I don't write as well as I want and can't get all of my thoughts and feelings out on to paper the way I want to. I always want to be the best, even though I know I never will be. I always have too much to say or feel or think about.

I secretly envy girls with no conscience. I party too much, even though it's not all that much. I get jealous very easily and often times for no reason. I crave attention, and secretly love drama. I put on a big front most of the time. I'm very insecure. I never feel smart enough or thin enough. I love food, and all the wrong ones. Sometimes I cry for no reason, and I love to use PMS as the excuse, but would punch anyone who ever blamed my actions on PMS. I try to remember absolutley everything, and take way too many pictures. I'm scared of being forgotten. I don't really think I want to be a teacher anymore, but I will anyway.

I like to run away from my problems, and ignore them. Sometimes, when I need to be alone, is when I really need someone there. I am always cold, and always looking for the next best thing. All I ever want to do is party and hang out with my friends and cuddle with boys who give me compliments that I don't take. I wish I didn't need so much structure. Right now there are a lot of people I want to talk to. I think there is a lot wrong with me, and as well as I think I know myself, I don't think I really know anything.

I don't want to leave this place.

3 Comments:

Blogger Lorianne said...

Hmmm, yeah, I think we've all been there at one time or another.

6:48 PM  
Blogger darigger said...

Wow, other than those lines that were specificly female I totally know where you're coming from. Maybe those things are all just part of human nature, or maybe we're just creepily alike lol. Anyway sweet post!

12:16 PM  
Blogger Maxwell said...

It's good to have a conscience...don't eny those girls too much :)

12:17 PM  

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